Where Have I Been?
A Personal Post on Depression
Once upon a time I was very active on this blog, YouTube, and social media. Granted, at that time I mostly worked part time from home, and many things were very different. Overall, I had more time. I also had more ambition, motivation, and better mental health. Not perfect mental health, because as anyone who suffers from anxiety and depression can tell you, it is ALWAYS there. Sometimes it’s just easier to control, or I don’t have any triggers in my life, etc. But it is always there, waiting.
As a child I would draw, or escape into the worlds of science fiction, and superheroes to deal with my depression. As an adult, with responsibilities, it has become much harder to find a way to “escape”.
It started slowly about six years ago when I allowed a toxic person into my life, that is when it all started to spiral out of control. It wasn’t overnight, and I didn’t even notice it was happening. After that I had issues with finding a decent job outside of the house, because of other life changes I found myself needing a steady income, one I wasn’t making from blogging and YouTube (which were mainly a fun hobby). My last three jobs had poor management, my last two jobs, in particular, were for mentally abusive people in toxic environments. That just pushed my spiral into depression even further. I was under server mental distress because of management at work, while already battling my own personal stuff, because during all that I had other things thrown at me over the past few years, the end to a long time relationship, a miscarriage, my beloved dog passed, nonstop harassment and mental abuse from family I had told to leave me alone… To name just a few things.
All of that worked against me, I have been constantly anxious, depressed, and having mental breakdowns. My passion and creativity all but gone. A few times I was toxic to others, because I was around so much toxicity, I had allowed it to infect me. I have been lost, desperate, and scared.
I’m done letting depression, and toxic people, control me. I left the most recent problem job, and am taking some time to work on myself. This won’t be easy, and I could use “mojo” and support. This also means I will be making a real effort to get back to blogging, vlogging, drawing, and photography. Creativity, and geek life, have long been my happy place, and I NEED it in my life.
Wish me luck, and hopefully you will be seeing me more active on these platforms from now on. Also, if you’re suffering, please know you are not alone, you can reach out to me if you want to.
